It's late and I find myself writing here. Seems to be the only chance I really get to update this thing is when I can't sleep. I'm trying to type quietly so as not to wake Dave, who just snored indignantly.
I can't sleep, so I stumbled to the kitchen in search of a snack, being careful not to trip over any errant plastic toys and finding myself unsucessful in all endeavors. I checked in on Ari on the way back to bed. He's curled up like a "c", also snoring, and I pause for a moment to take in his perfection. I always thought it was a cliche when parents talked about watching their children sleep. But almost every night, I flip on the bathroom light by Ari's room so I can gaze at his sleeping form. Lately, he looks like he fell asleep mid-crawl. His legs are curled under him like he's jogging in mid-air, and his arms pump motionless by his side. Maybe he's practicing in his sleep. He used to sleep in the fetal position with his butt sticking up in the air. It was beyond adorable.
Being a parent is terrifying. Every day, I am reminded of how vulnerable this baby is, of how vulnerable we all are. Each time I read an article on the internet about something scary happening to a kid, I shudder and wonder how anyone can bear to have kids. And yet Ari is the most wonderful thing ever to happen to me. How can something so wonderful be so terrifying?
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2 comments:
have you seen "monsoon wedding"? it's a great movie. there's a part where the dad looks in on his (grown) daughter and niece sleeping side by side, and he says to his wife, "sometimes when i look at them, i feel love almost that i cannot bear"-- i think of that every time i watch anand sleep. watching your child sleep is perhaps one of the most blissful and intense sights-- they are so perfect and peaceful and vulnerable and YOURS. and yes, i too turn the hall light on and peek in on him before i go to sleep at night :)
I haven't seen that yet, but I've been meaning to put it on my netflix queue! If it ever stops raining, we should meet up for a walk by the pond!
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